Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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