We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
