jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
