Don't you send me to vm
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
