I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What drink are we having for lunch?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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