My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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