Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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