I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
