She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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