I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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