I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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