I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
