he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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