Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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