seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
