Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
