So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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