there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize