So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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