I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A+ Viking dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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