I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
