btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
