Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
