Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
