Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
