She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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