I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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