I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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