He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
