they need to just BURY HIM!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
