so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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