sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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