he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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