actually, I'm a sock model
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
