oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
jump out the window naked night went bad
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