if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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