If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this will be a night to untag.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
