New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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