I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
