apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
