yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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