Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
