Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
