cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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