I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
