he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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