Soap is not a condiment
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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