East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
