This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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