i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
