I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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