They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
