Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
