it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
