i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
