We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
