im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
