Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
