its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
