He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
