so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
