I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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