READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
